“If we look at the core of reconciliation we are dealing with trauma.” How understanding post-traumatic stress builds a foundation for healing

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Antoinette Cooper at the Parenting Decolonized conference said that “If we look at the core of reconciliation we are dealing with trauma.” Before we can deal with other aspects of reconciliation we must first deal with trauma.

Trauma happens at the moment of the event, typically with an initial shock. During these times it may be tempting to think about the future but the main focus switches to fight or flight survival. This means that when the adrenaline is running high we have a tendency to forget some of our basic needs like water and food.

The key is that we don’t need to solve everything today there will come a time where we will deal with that but we’re in shock right now. In this case our children can help by making an environment where it’s easier to move from fight or flight to what is normal for them.

It can help to move the focus from the event to what they typically do at home. Maybe that’s going outside for walk, petting a dog, or eating a meal with friends.

Simply being present and letting the other person know that help is available when they are ready can be a way to help reassure them that they are cared for and loved. Generally they want to be listened to.